So it’s upon us – festival season, and with festival season comes “festival fashion”.
Now don’t get me wrong I like festivals, and I like fashion. But those two words put together really set my teeth on edge.
It can’t be avoided either, I walk into town and see mannequins donning crop tops, I do some online browsing and adverts pop up demanding I buy a floral headband for that festival I can’t afford to go to, and now, even my beloved bloggers are making festival wishlists containing skimpy shorts and sandals.
Do these people not know where we live? These outfits will be great for Coachella, which by the way is in California. T in the Park however, is in Scotland -Not exactly a place renowned for its glorious sunshine.
I’m going to just jump right into this rant with my biggest “festival fashion” pet hate. Fringing.
Mother flippin’ Fringing.
Have you ever used a toilet at a festival? I have, well actually, to use the word toilet would be a lie. I used a glorified cesspit with MDF seating built over it. If you mistakenly looked down you would be greeted with strangers fecal matter and tampons floating around a pool of piss and god knows what else.
Am I painting a good enough picture for you?
Good. Back onto fringing, I don’t know who decided that sewing tassels on to every bit of apparel humanly possible is perfect attire for festivals but whoever it was, they’re stupid. Imagine squatting over a pit, whilst sozzled, with strands of fabric hanging from every limb. You’ll be traping it all around in mud and I hate to think what else. Urine soaked clothing is not, and never will be, fashionable.
(oh and the portaloos aren’t much nicer either)
Our next culprit is sandals. I’m sure you’re aware of the condition “Trench Foot” coined in WW1 after soldiers prolonged exposure to damp muddy conditions. It ain’t nice and it ain’t pretty. Festivals are muddy, they’re wet. I don’t care how long you spent on your toenail art, please put a thick pair of socks and some wellies on before you lose a foot.
Whilst we’re on the topic of losing things, lets talk backpacks. I think it’s something like 250,000 people go to Glastonbury, now that’s a lot of people. There will be people there who like to take advantage of the crowds, and it is SO easy for someone to slip their hand into a backpack and grab whatever’s at the top. You probably won’t even notice anything’s missing till you get back to your tent, meanwhile the thief is spending your hard earned dosh at the overpriced burger stand.
Now I’m not saying rush out and get a bum bag (Although probably the best option, I understand these are the Crocs of the bag world) but pick a bag that you can keep an eye on, that’s not easy to get into.
I’ve moaned a hell of a lot haven’t I? I’ll end my rant with one final pet hate, the severe lack of jumpers. I sound like such an old biddy, but seeing girls walk around in crop tops and shorts when It’s a mere 12 degrees outside makes me shiver. I know they say “If you’ve got it, flaunt it” but I’m not entirely sure that saying refers to a sodden field in somerset. By all means take a crop top with you, but remember to take a few long sleeved t-shirts and some hoodies with you too, kay?
So my idea of festival fashion? Don’t dress like a twat. Wear what is appropriate for the weather and don’t freeze your tits off because Company Magazine says it’s cool, wear wellies, pack a thick raincoat (a proper raincoat not one of those plastic ponchos that make you look like a walking condom) and most of all be safe!