I like cake. It’s not exactly a secret romance, and me and cake go years back. When I was little I didn’t dream of becoming a vet or a fairy princess. No, when I grew up I wanted to work in a cake shop and would proudly declare this to any grown up that asked.
14 years later and I’m still a cake addict. I’ll eat any cake you put in front of me (except carrot cake, bitches be trippin’ when they thought putting vegetables in cake was a good idea.)
Then I went to see Iron Man 3. If you’ve been to see it I’m sure you can recall that scene at the end where Miss Potts is prancing about in a sports bra proudly displaying her abs of steel. I thought to myself, Gwyneth Paltrow probably doesn’t eat cake. She probably wouldn’t eat the Large Popcorn, Pick n’ Mix, Tango Ice Blast, and tub of Ben and Jerrys that were laying empty at my feet, mocking me either.
She could probably walk up the singular flight of stairs to get to my flat without getting dizzy and out of breath too.
So I decided to join the gym. *cue gasps of shock and sheer horror*
I don’t need to lose any weight, but I’d like to be able to run for a bus without fear of cardiac arrest.
I’d quite like to clean my diet up a little bit too, at the minute my body’s running on haribo and many mugs of caffeine. I want to eventually get over the idea that anything green tastes like tree bark and belongs in my rabbits food bowl.
Anyway, I thought I’d do a little post on my gym experience, I’ve seen a lot of blog posts about exercise and healthy living and I wanted to share with you my slice of the pie. I’m going to lay it out in a sort of day-to-day diary style, just to break the post up a little bit.
Scott and I walked over the gym, there’s quite a few gyms in the area but we chose Sunderland Aquatic Centre, as it seems well equipped and is roughly a half hour walk from where I live, so is easily accessible.
Signing up was simple, we got some forms from reception and just filled in our details. Scott went for a monthly gym membership, but I’m not ready for such a commitment, so opted for the “pay per session” method.
We then received our membership cards which you just take with you when you go, they have all my details on which is handy as being a student, I’m entitled a discount so whenever I go, they can swipe the card and charge me the £3.20.
We then booked in our inductions, mine was Monday. New week, new start n’ all that.
The day of my induction. I prepare myself for hell.
I put on my ill-fitting Primark sports bra, squeezed into the three quarter length Nike leggings that I ceremoniously shaved my legs for, then updated twitter with the compulsory “I’m going to the gym” self appreciation tweet, to let my followers know that I am in actual fact, off to do some exercise.
I put on my trainers and trotted off to the gym feeling pretty smug about myself, the word “Swag” may have entered my mind at one point for like, a smidgen of a second.
Then I arrived at the gym. I panicked, and hid in the cafe area till I could pluck up enough courage to actually go in.
When I finally built up my courage to go back in, I was greeted by my instructor Darren. He took me into a room where we spoke about what I want to achieve, and he then made a programme tailored to me. This is super helpful as I won’t be wandering around the gym aimlessly, and have specific machines to go on, each with different goals.
All gym members have a key which has your fitness programme in it and also tracks progress and tells you where to go and what to do. You simply plug it into each machine, and it comes up on the screen with what you need to do, such as how many calories to burn, or a certain amount of time etc.
After being shown around the gym and being taught how to use all the equipment properly, I left feeling rather optimistic.
I then got a McDonalds on the way home.
Scott had his induction on Tuesday, so I decided whilst he’s doing that I can use the gym properly for the first time. I plugged my key into the check in machine and it told me that my first stop was the rowing machine. My goal for this is to be able to row 1500m in under 10 minutes. I managed to do it in 9 minutes 20 seconds BOO YA!
Next was the wave machine, I’m not sure if that’s the correct name for it but that’s what I’ll call it. Any feelings of joy I had from my rowing achievements were soon, crushed and replaced with pain. My goal for the wave machine is 10 minutes, I did 4.
This is where I remembered why I haven’t done any form of exercise since my last P.E. lesson 4 years ago, I hate exercise. It makes me hurt, it makes me sweaty and sticky in places I didn’t know could even sweat, it makes me feel like I’m going to physically be sick, and I get a weird pulse in my head.
Why am I paying to feel like this?!
I went on the stepper next and lasted 4 minutes on that, before giving up and jumping on the cross trainer. After 6 minutes on the cross trainer Scott came over to let me know he’d finished his induction and I sang a silent hallelujah and made a swift exit to the changing rooms.
Despite the whole ordeal being a living hell, I felt quite upbeat and energetic on the walk home. I’ve decided I’m going to stick at it because hey, more exercise means more reason to eat cake, right?
I may never have a midriff like Gwyneth’s, but I can always hold my head up high and remind myself that I’ll never name my child “Apple” either.